ocg's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- bitching, but in a good mood. Ok, maybe I'm just a little hypersensitive with the stopping smoking and all, and I know that I don't update frequently enough, but DAMN. When you only get ONE comment on National De-Lurking Day? That's when you start to question whether or not this is even worth doing. I mean, even if you don't want to admit it, we all know I'm writing a blog at least partly because I'd like some feedback that the crazy life I'm leading is somehow identifiable and relatable to others. You know, that what I'm going through isn't entirely fucked up and weird. And if you have a blog and insist that it's not 'for others' or 'just a place for me to vent', I call bullshit. We all have a target audience in mind when our fingers are flying and we are trying to find just the perfect way to relate a moment. You could be Doogie Howsering it away on your hard drive, or locked or something. But if it's open and it's public, you want something back from it. I just hate the idea that I have to basically blog-whore my way around the internet to even get people to come to my site. I've done my best not to comment for naught- I'd like to think that I am genuinely showing appreciation for a story, or relating a piece of information that the blogger has asked for, and not just blatantly leaving my web address and a 'look, I was here' (today's National De-Lurking day excepted, because, hey, I at least commented!). And on occassion, I get sauced and email up a blogger that I think writes well and that if I say, worked with or knew somehow, I think I'd be friends with. (and somehow, the morning after, I always get the feeling that I sounded like a complete and total nerdy jerk-off psycho, but they've all been very kind in their replies) And then I start to feel guilty because I don't update every day (but I'm working on it!), and maybe, in a few months, after I really do update more frequently, my writing will improve (damn, it hurts to say that), and I'll be able to tell a story without boring the panties off off people. (I've never been a very good storyteller, more of the in-person-crack-the-joke-slice-of-life type of humorist.) And damn, I know it sounds like I'm bitching, and I probably am a little, BECAUSE I AM A NON-SMOKER NOW AND IT'S BEEN TWO DAYS, and it's hard not to be a little edgy and I know that totally doesn't need caps but I'm pretty proud of myself and needing a little pat on the back, even if I have to give it to myself. You go, oregoncoastgirl. And so what if it's passé to talk about the non-smoking? It's what's up with me. 9:11 p.m. - 2005-01-05 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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